From Pity to Pride: My Journey of Embracing My Single Life

An Unexpected Comment

Recently, someone told me her family pities me because, as she not so tactfully put it, I’m “old and single.”

At first, I was stunned. Of all the words I’d use to describe myself, “pity” is far from the list. It was hard to imagine someone seeing me so differently than I see myself.

My second reaction? Anger.
Pity me?! No. I pity you for your limited perspective.
I pity you for living in fear of what others think, for making choices based on society’s expectations instead of your own desires. I pity you for being so close-minded that you can’t imagine someone finding happiness outside “the norm.” I pity you because your pity for me is a reflection of your own struggles, not mine.

But that anger didn’t last long before it morphed into sadness. Sadness at the realization that, despite my intelligence, loving heart, sense of humor, and accomplishments, so many people reduce me to nothing more than my single status.

From Sadness to Pride

That sadness, however, faded quickly too; it transformed into pride.

Pride emerged as her words reminded me of where I was ten years ago—a time when I allowed others’ pity to become my own self-pity. Remembering that version of myself, the one who believed I was inadequate because I didn’t fit their mold, made me proud of how far I’ve come.

Ten Years Ago

You see, I was raised in a tight-knit religious community where being single at 21, if not even earlier, made you a target for pity. By the time I turned 25, the questions followed me everywhere: When will you get married? Why aren’t you married? Are you even dating? Of course, there was only one acceptable answer to those questions, and because I didn’t have it, I was filled with shame.

I started walking through life with my head down, avoiding the judgmental stares and unsolicited advice. Even simple errands, like going to the grocery store, felt like a battle. I wouldn’t leave the house without makeup, terrified someone would see me bare-faced and think, No wonder she’s single—she looks like THAT.

Eventually, I internalized their judgment. I stopped seeing myself as whole. I believed their words: without a man, I was inadequate, flawed, and unworthy. Their pity became my own.

I carried their judgments like a weight, letting their narrow expectations define my worth. Back then, immersed in their beliefs, I couldn’t imagine a world where I’d ever feel differently.

Pride in Reclaiming My Worth

A decade ago, I was drowning in shame, living in fear of their disapproval, and unable to see my own value. That shame led me to the dark depths of depression. In that darkness, completely lost and empty, I knew something had to change. I sought therapy, dove into self-discovery, and fought hard to reclaim my worth. Slowly, I rewired my beliefs, learning to love myself and hold my head high. I became my own best friend, fiercely advocating for my happiness and self-worth.

I embraced practices that helped me heal. Moving out of my home community exposed me to new perspectives, and cognitive behavioral therapy taught me to shed the belief that I was unlovable. Yoga helped me align with my inner voice, while surrounding myself with people who valued authenticity over appearances strengthened my resolve.

Through it all, I came to understand something profound: what others say about me is a reflection of them, not me. My worth is mine to define, and I declare myself worthy. I learned to live from the inside out—guided by my voice, not the judgments of others.

Pride in Who I Am

Today, I feel deeply proud of who I’ve become. I love myself deeply and unapologetically, and I no longer let others’ judgments define me. I’ve learned that I don’t have to believe what others believe about me. Their views no longer hold power over me.

I’ve decided that I am beautiful, strong, and worthy of love—not because of anything external, but because it’s my birthright. No one can take that from me. My worth isn’t determined by my relationship status or anyone’s approval. It’s mine—and it always has been.

I define what a life well-lived looks like. I define my values, my goals, and my happiness. And I will live the rest of my life believing in my own worth, no matter what anyone else says.

I am proud to say I am my favorite person to spend time with, my favorite person to get to know, and my favorite person to root for.

Pride in the Choices I’ve Made

I take pride not only in the fact that I saved myself from a dark place, but also in the fact that I’ve never settled for less than what I truly want. While others have pressured me, insisting it was “time” to get married, I’ve held firm. I could have gotten married several times to silence the questions and judgments, but the cost would’ve been my happiness—and that’s a price I’m not willing to pay.

I’ve been in relationships where marriage was an option, but going through with it felt like selling my soul. It felt like giving up. It would’ve meant compromising my dreams, my values, and the thing I desire most strongly—a deeply magical love.

Yes, I could’ve gotten married if my only goal was to check a box. But my goal isn’t just marriage—it’s love. Real, deep, meaningful love, where both partners are committed to truly seeing and supporting each other. I want a relationship that enhances my life, not diminishes it. Settling would betray not only my happiness but also my authenticity.

In a way, I’m proud to be single because it reflects my strength—to be able to hold out for what I want and believe is possible, despite what others say. My life is a testament to living for myself, not to appease others.

Pride in Living Authentically

This is my life, and at the end of it, I want to say I lived it my way—not according to someone else’s idea of what’s appropriate. I’ve released myself from society’s expectations, and I encourage others to do the same. True happiness isn’t found by following someone else’s path.

Today, my life is full, my heart is whole, and I am deeply proud of the life I’ve created. My days are rooted in self-love and care—the kind that sustains me and allows me to serve the world around me. I choose my friends and activities with intention, protecting my energy and well-being.

Yes, I want love, but my worth isn’t tied to when or how I find it. My life is already rich and meaningful because I live in alignment with my values.

A Message to the Pitying

To the people who pity me: your judgment is your story, not mine.

I understand why you feel the way you do. Our society teaches us to see single women as incomplete, and it’s easier to pity someone who challenges those norms than to question them.

But your pity doesn’t affect me anymore. What you think of me isn’t my truth. I’m too busy loving myself, living fully, and pursuing what lights me up to carry the weight of your opinions.

I hope, for your own sake and the sake of others, that you reach a place where you realize your judgment isn’t truth—it’s simply a reflection of the world you’ve been conditioned to believe in. Judgments are built from repetition, not accuracy. When you recognize this, you can create space in your heart for different ways of being, for other people’s unique paths to happiness. Someone else’s version of “happy” doesn’t have to match yours.

As for the impact of your pity on me? It’s nonexistent. What you think of me doesn’t matter; what I think of me matters. And I refuse to let your pity turn into my self-pity. As long as I’m living in alignment with my truest voice, building a life I love, and staying rooted in my values of kindness and integrity, I am proud of who I am.

While others waste energy pitying me, I’m evolving, knowing myself more deeply, and loving myself more fully every day. Doesn’t that seem like a better use of time? But hey, you do you. And I’ll keep doing me.

A Reflection for You

The most liberating decision I ever made was to release myself from society’s expectations and live for myself.

I encourage you to do the same. Are there areas in your life where you’re conforming to what others expect, instead of pursuing what you truly want?

Maybe you’re 35 and single, like I am, and feeling the weight of societal judgment. Or maybe your struggle lies elsewhere—letting others’ opinions shape how you see yourself or influence your choices.

Take a moment to reflect:

• Are there areas in your life where you’ve allowed societal expectations to define your worth?

• Have you made decisions based on what others want, rather than what feels true to you?

Breaking free from these influences isn’t easy. It takes courage, self-discovery, and persistence. But it’s worth it. You deserve a life that aligns with your deepest values and dreams.

Reclaiming your power is an act of radical self-love. So ask yourself: What would it look like to step into your authentic self? What dreams would you pursue if you stopped living for others?

Further Exploration

If you’re ready to explore these questions, I’d love to support you. As a certified life coach, specializing in self-love and authenticity, I’m here to help you create a life that’s unapologetically yours—one that aligns with your values, brings you joy, and honors your unique path. Click here to explore the ways we can work together. 

Happiness doesn’t come from following someone else’s plan. True fulfillment comes from defining success on your own terms. Whether you do it with my help or on your own, I hope the story I shared here has encouraged you to start that journey today.